How to Discover What You Really Want in Bed—and Ask for It— with Dr. Holly Richmond


Sex is a topic that is not always discussed in everyday conversations. Today’s episode is a deep dive into sexual health as Stacey interviews Dr. Holly Richmond, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist. She holds a Ph.D. in Somatic Psychology. This unique combination of professional credentials enables her to focus on clients’ cognitive processes and their somatic (body-based) health. Dr. Richmond is one of North America’s leading sex therapists, serving women, men, couples, and gender-diverse individuals with relationship and sexuality issues. 

Her book, Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex-Positive Guide for Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life, is a groundbreaking examination of somatic and psychological factors in survivors’ recovery. Dr. Holly is also a recognized writer and media specialist, with over 500 published works since beginning her career in journalism in 1994.

If you want to discover what you really want and ask for it, this episode is for you. 

“All sex is good sex as long as it’s consensual and pleasurable.”

– Dr. Holly Richmond

In This Episode:

00:00 Introduction from today’s host, Stacey Lindsay

02:31 An overview of Dr. Holly’s specialties

04:08 What does sex-positive mean?

05:38 Exploring what you want in your sexual life and what you want in bed

09:35 How do we know what we want?

11:08 Practices and questions you can ask yourself to discover what you want

12:33 How do you start to talk about what you want, whether it’s kink or group sex, with your sexual partner?

16:58 What if you want something, but your partner does not want that? Where do you go from there?

19:42 Exercises and conversations we can have with ourselves to help unpack the shame and taboo around the topic of sexual pleasure

23:09 What is the advice for people in long-term commitments where one partner asks the other to spice things up?

24:36 What role does intimacy play in these conversations?



Connect with Dr. Holly Richmond:

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We are here to normalize women’s sexual health and wellness after 40, without apology.

It’s time to elevate the way we address sex in the second half of life and lift it out of society’s shadows. We’re tired of the stigma and secrecy. We’re frustrated with the lack of credible information. And we’re ready to reclaim women’s sexuality.