How to Get Yourself Off: A Guide to Going for the O, Solo

Bodies change, sex drives wax and wane, yet your vibrator remains the same. Forget new batteries— what you need is a little novelty in your routine. Use these expert tips to rev up your self-lust and reap the benefits.

What’s Sex After 50 Really Like?

And can it actually get better in your 60s and beyond? Here’s why menopause may actually mark the true beginning of mind-blowing sex. 

How I Learned to Squirt at Age 40

And why I’m now on a mission to help every woman learn how to squirt, too.
how to squirt

I’ll never forget the first night I realized the pure joy that is female ejaculation—a.k.a. squirting. 

I was with a new partner, and soon after he slid his fingers inside me I felt a really intense sensation. At the time, I had no idea what it was. While it felt good, I’ll admit that I was kind of confused when he moaned, “Oh yeahhhh, that’s it.” I wondered to myself, “What is he talking about?”  

Apparently, I had squirted.  

Like so many women, my introduction to squirting came from porn—plus a couple stories from girlfriends that I didn’t quite believe. In my previous, monogamous relationship, our go-to sex didn’t exactly lead to explorations about how squirting works or how he might learn how to make me squirt. Yet when that relationship ended and I started exploring a new, non-monogamous, way more exploratory path, I quickly learned that not only am I able to squirt, but it is mind-blowingly amazing.

Related: Want to Reclaim Your Erotic Pleasure? Here’s Where to Start

Based on my experiences, the technique that works for me seems to be universal. (Of course, as with so many things related to sex, this is going to be very individual! I have friends who squirt with ease and others who swear they can’t despite lots and lots of trying.) But I will say that multiple partners have used this technique on me with no coaching or discussion and have been very successful.  

For an in-depth look at female ejaculation and answers to practically every question on the topic you might have, I love this article.

Here are my top tips on how to make the magic work:

  1. Get comfy communicating.

    First and foremost, you’re going to have to have an open, honest conversation with your partner about wanting to try this out! Many partners may already know how to make a woman squirt, but they’re shy about doing it with a partner they aren’t experienced with. So, why not cut right to the chase and talk about your desire to ejaculate? You might be surprised to learn that your partner already has some skills in this department. If not, no worries—the technique is easy enough to learn!

Related: Learn How to Talk Dirty With This Guide That Takes Out All the Awkwardness

  1. Warm up.

    In my experience, squirting works best when the blood is already flowing to your erogenous zones and all of your parts are warmed up. Whatever you do, don’t get after it without some foreplay at the very least. (Note: You might experiment with squirting as a cool-down after sex. I find it can be really intense right after an orgasm.)  

  1. Learn the technique.

    Your partner will take their middle and ring finger and create a hook (as shown here). When inserted, this should put the pads of the fingertips right on the G spot.  (Make sure fingernails are cut short before trying this!) From here, your partner should reach around the back of the G spot and make a “come hither” movement, pulling the G spot back and forth. For me, this really takes some muscle—so don’t be afraid to communicate with your partner and be confident in telling them to go harder or faster. It may not be gentle, but keep in mind this is often what it takes to make it work.

  1. Relax!

    An important part of the actual squirt is that you stay as relaxed as possible—as if you’re letting yourself pee. If you’re holding back like you would if you were trying to hold your pee in, it won’t happen. If you relax your pelvic muscles and just let it all go, you’ll have the best shot at squirting. And trust me when I tell you the result is pure bliss.

Related: Do You Need a Vaginal Skincare Routine? Here’s Where to Start

  1. Stay open to lots of experimentation.

    I’ve played around with hydrating well in advance of a hot night out to see if I could squirt multiple times. (I’m not sure it makes a difference.) I’ve tried doing this technique many times with a very zealous partner, which left me feeling a bit sore and took a few hours to recover. (Still well worth it, though!) There are countless different techniques you can try, so stay open to exploring! Then, be patient as you learn how your body responds. Because really, it’s all part of a beautiful journey to discover more about your body and what makes you tick.  

Related: An Honest Girl’s Guide to Adultery

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We are here to normalize women’s sexual health and wellness after 40, without apology.

It’s time to elevate the way we address sex in the second half of life and lift it out of society’s shadows. We’re tired of the stigma and secrecy. We’re frustrated with the lack of credible information. And we’re ready to reclaim women’s sexuality.